Toby Martini

“I don’t want to!”

With a stamping of feet and a petulant look the child storms off, secretly smiling inside because he got out of it again. He’s happily playing with his toys and the task remains incomplete until the next time the demand comes.

Why would I let my kids get away with this behavior? I wouldn’t! I don’t let them bully or use crocodile tears to get out of doing something they need to get done.

But the child I’m talking about above is not my child. It’s me!

How in the world do I let the little child in me run the show? If there’s something I need/want/have to do, sometimes in my head I hear the voice, “I just don’t want to do that now! Aren’t there other things we could do?”

And yes, there are always other things to do. Especially playing with my toys: Facebook, Twitter, games, actual toys with my real kids. Everything is better than the work!

Truth is, I do get a lot done. But there are some aspects of running a business that don’t exactly “call” to me. Faced with those, anything seems better. “Hey! Better bathe the cat or trim my finger nails or… something that’s Not Accounting.”

I’ve spent a lot of time, thought, and conversation around this lately. One sort of scary revelation that I’ve had is that it might be all very simple. More simple than an evolved mind wants to face.

“JUST DO IT”
Nike has quite the perfect slogan. There really is none better.

You can always come up with reasons you don’t need to do something right now. There is always another thing that needs to get done, too.

Achieving your goals may be as simple as stop listening to the distractor in your head.
Here are the steps to get everything done:
List things you need/want to get done.

1. Prioritize them
2. Make a schedule and Stick to it.
3. Finish within the time you’ve given yourself.
   If you don’t finish, MOVE ON TO THE NEXT ITEM.
   (Learn from your inexact estimation and estimate better next time.)

At the end of your day, if you haven’t finished some projects, put them in the schedule.

Some folks would say work late and finish up. And, while I often do this, I won’t recommend it. Draw some boundaries between your work and you’re non-work time or you’ll never get to feel “done for the day.”

I KNOW it’s not easy. I struggle with it, too. Your brain will constantly look for easier things to do, more fun things to do, ANYTHING to do but the task at hand. Say, “Thanks for sharing. Cool idea. We’ll schedule it for tomorrow.” Write it down as a note and get back to work.

It’s weird writing this because if you know me, you know I’m a laid-back sort. I know everything will work out and if I don’t get This or That done today, it’ll be OK. That is NOT the path to wild success.

“Everything will be OK” means nothing falls apart; nobody dies. But Success? That lies on the other side of the work.

I highly recommend “The War of Art” by Steven Pressfield. Even if you’re not a writer, the attitude and perspective of “Going Pro” can help you in your business and your life. Guaranteed!

You have something you want to get done. Your brain wants to do something else right now. Thanks, Brain! We’ll schedule your thing in for later. We’re doing This now.

There are a gajillion productivity systems. Don’t spend three weeks picking the best system. That’s just your brain tricking you into Not doing the work again.

Try this simple system above and see if it helps. Of course, it doesn’t cover every aspect of business and every option that might come up. Consider it training wheels. Getting your brain used to being told what to do and at what time. Maybe later you’ll want to try one of those more elaborate systems.

For now, let’s just get some work done!
(Remember to schedule in some free time or Random Work time, too.)

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It may seem weird that I often talk about your brain talking to you as if you’re two people. And it kind of is. Your older, lizard brain that wants safety and comfort is always talking to your conscious brain, that wants success and thrills. It’s like having two people, that want different things, in your head.

You mostly hear the voice when you’re worried, anxious, or afraid. The first level of becoming successful is recognizing that voice, thanking it for the concern, and then moving forward.
The second level is realizing that your “safety brain” is talking to you ALL the time and making most of your decisions for you.

You just have to get better at hearing it. (I recommend one of my Fun & Fearless workshops)

If you don’t hear the conversation going on in your head, the voice of safety tells you to do something (or not do something as fits the situation) and you just DO WHAT IT SAYS.

You don’t get a conscious say in the matter. You don’t hear the conversation, only the resulting commands from your brain.

When you hear about communications, consider that the most important conversations in the whole world are going on in your head and you’re not hearing them!

Listen in. Get familiar with the voice. Get into the conversation.
Get Things Done!

Sarcasm sucks. Please do not use sarcasm again.

It seems funny to knock people, to question their intelligence, their virility, their style. And everyone else is doing it, so why the ban?

Sarcasm is always an attack. There is always some little piece of that “victim’s” mind that shrinks back and is hurt by it. It hurts others and you could be hurting yourself, too!

Imagine… You walk into a room sporting a new haircut, feeling pretty good about it. A couple of people say nice things like, “New haircut? Looks great.” and “That cut really brings out your eyes.”

One person, the “funny” one says, “Did you cut it yourself?” Everyone laughs at the slight ribbing, even you. After all, it’s just a joke.

But, I guarantee that there is a small part of you that winces; that says, “Does it really look bad? Are those other folks just being nice?” You’ve laughed along and not falsely. We’ve been trained to think that sarcasm is funny.

But I want you to consider whether it’s worth it to hurt others for the laugh? I searched Google Images for Sarcasm and found a lot of pro-sarcasm pics. Most of them include sarcasm inside (recursion for the win!). Even the fake definition abuses people.

I used to be terribly sarcastic. After all, I’m one of the “funny” ones and everything is fair game. Funny comes from a skew and the unexpected. We expect people to be kind and social. So, the rude thing is unexpected and we’re jolted a bit and laugh.

The thing is, it’s a sophomoric, easy kind of humor. Be smarter. Unless you’re wallowing in dick jokes and poop humor, I think you could elevate your game. (And if you are in that space, you REALLY need to elevate your game.)

I was talking to a younger gent about this a while back. His defense was that it was fun to be amongst your friends, ragging on each other. It was a common, fun thing they all just do. They would try to top each other for kicks. Reminds me of “the dozens” where people would freestyle bashing on each other, especially with a lot of “yo’ mama…” jokes. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Dozens

So, maybe it does cause a reflexive snort. Maybe there even is some sort of camaraderie built around it. But, wouldn’t you rather hear things that are funny and make you think? Wouldn’t you like to have fun friends that build you up rather than ones that tear you down for a laugh?

It might work, but it’s a low and dangerous humor.

It’s not only bad for the “butt” of the joke. Think about this… If you are the one that says the snarky thing, even if you get the laugh, the victim sometimes consciously thinks, “Jerk” and some of the others that hear it may think the same.

If it comes off a little meaner than you expected, everyone that hears it now thinks less of you. They just found out you’re mean-spirited (or ignorant).  You just wanted to be funny, but now you have given people one little bit of a reason to dislike you.

I’m not saying you need to please everyone, never offend, or be meek necessarily. Just on a high level, it’s my guess that you’d probably rather have more people like you than not.

Again, these people might not even consciously register that you just went down a notch “in their book.” But it’s happening. Why walk the fine line of “How mean is funny?” and “How mean is just mean?”?

One day you may be wondering why your dance card isn’t full. People sort of shy away and you don’t know why. There wasn’t one thing you did to bug or hurt anyone. But perhaps a hundred small things that you didn’t really notice were adding up. 

I’ve mostly eliminated it from my life, but years of training and habit make it hard to root out completely. I certainly feel like a better person for the effort AND I guarantee that I’m just as fun and funny as ever.  I hope you will work at it, too.

If you’re smart, you’ll stop being sarcastic.
And I know you are smart… and funny… and good-looking, too!
(No sarcasm intended!)

I love to share when I read a good thing about Improv and how it can help people in their business and their life. This is a good article from Scott Berkun describing his two experiences in Improv.

A decade ago I took a class in improvisation on a dare with some friends. I was surprised how much the class helped me experience daily life. It made me a better speaker and teacher too. – Scott Berkun, Author of a fantastic book on speaking, Confessions of a Public Speaker

Yes. This post is a tad self-indulgent. I mean, here I am pitching my workshop by way of this article I found AND, I do it because he’s said some of what I say in a clear, non-threatening way and I want people to get over their fears.

Recently I’ve had a couple of people tell me that they liked what they heard about the benefits of my workshops, but they were a little afraid of what they’d have to do in them.

They assume you’re thrown on a big dark stage where someone yells at you every few seconds to do something funny. The reality is tame…

Improvisors are generally the nicest people. We’ve spent years stewing in positivity and support. And while I can’t vouch for every Improv group or workshop, I promise that I’ll never make anyone feel “on the spot”, “twisting in the wind” or stuck in any way.

Fun & Fearless workshops are about more than just Improv for Improv’s sake. It’s personal  development focusing on communication, boldness, and using your brain in new ways.

As if he has heard me talking to people about Improv, Scott clarifies some of the most important benefits:

Every conversation in life is an act of improvisation: no one gives you a script for the day when you wake up. Improv helps me pay attention, proper attention, to all the situations I didn’t realize I could influence, or that were available to me if only I noticed them.  Or more precisely, going to improv class makes me comfortable in dealing with whatever happens in many situations with other people.

I’d love for you to check it out because it let’s me fulfill on my life’s mission: To help people  communicate better and have more fun in their lives.

Here is the link to the full article: http://scottberkun.com/2013/what-i-learned-from-improv-class/

I promise to bring you something inspiring and/or educational next time.

Much love.

I showed this video to someone this week and was talking about how, when I was a younger and performing regularly, I wanted to do a 1-man show like this video featuring Reggie Watts. (The video is below, but please watch that last because I don’t want to lose you forever.)

What held me back was that I thought it was just a bit too weird. People wouldn’t sit through a stream of consciousness rant touching 9 different subjects per minute, meshing deep profundity and complete gibberish.

Ask anyone from one of my Improv groups and they’ll tell you that I’m not much of a singer. I actually have a nice-enough sounding voice, just no sense of rhythm  I never know when to come in. So I’m a great back-up guy and love adding little flair bits. Never the lead though.

But I could do this sort of signing, ranging styles, tones, and time signatures.

What’s the point? Am I “Oh, So Cool” that I really could/should have done this sort of thing?

No. Quite the opposite.

The lesson is simple. Ideas are cheap. Ideas happen by the millions everyday. Everyone has at least a couple Every Day that could be turned into money; a song, a story, an invention, a character, etc.

What changes the world is implementation | action!

Sure, I could have done a performance like this. I was an improviser. I could make up stories songs, characters, scenes and jokes every night in front of dozens of paying customers, expecting to be entertained. I had no fear of failing in front of an audience. But did I do my one-man show? Nope!

It was fear and fear alone that kept me back from doing this or any other 1-man show.

But oddly, it didn’t FEEL like fear.

Your brain is a wicked trickster and it really only wants to keep you safe. When confronted, you will find a dozen conscious (and another dozen unconscious) reasons you shouldn’t do it OR other things that are more important Right Now.

You’re actually better off to FEEL afraid. At least then you’d have that trigger and you could think about it and make a choice to confront your fear.

But mostly it’s sneaky.

Here’s the trick: If you want to do/create/perform something and for some reason you don’t get it done, consider that you are simply afraid. It’s not always easy to do, but as long as you don’t get all judgemental about being afraid, then you can see that it’s fear and now  you have a choice.

After realizing that it’s just that same old fear thing, you can now actually get things done.

Now imagine Reggie Watts preparing for his TED talk. Do you think his brain might have mentioned that TED talks are usually erudite elucidations of psychology, technology, ecology and other big-thinking ideas? His brain might have said, “Really? You’re NOT going to start with English?!?!?”

Thanks, Reggie for facing that and then doing it your own way!

And we’re live in… 3… 2…

A radio show? Really? What do I know about radio?
Who cares?? Let’s get out there talking to people!

Starting this Thursday at 3 pm I’ll be on the air talking about business, communications, tools and strategies for simply being better, stronger, faster.

Should be fun!

Each week I’ll have a guest, someone that’s running a business. And they could be from any stage of business.

Perhaps a brave soul that started a few years ago and is now making millions OR someone that just got started a couple of months ago. I guarantee that we’ll dig into things that will help someone with a dream stop talking about it and get started!

It’s on the Talkwad Network that started a  bit over a year ago with ComedySLAM radio. Now that’s expanded into a few networks including Talk Empowerment Radio, All Of Your Business Radio, and RockSLAM Radio. And with a great new studio in Tampa, I couldn’t resist when they came calling. (Thanks to Nolan Raay for sticking to it and pulling me in!)

This is the website for the show: http://www.talkempowerment.com/#!straight-up-with-toby-martini/c1d8o

Or you can go to http://www.talkempowerment.com/ and click “Straight Up with Toby Martini”

I’ll be kicking this thing out every week until I take it national. If you’re running a business, contact me about being a guest.

Either way, give me a call and we’ll talk business and have some laughs too! (813) 235-0644

The New Year brings New Beginnings…

(And the best video on the internet)

I’ve never been a big fan of New Year’s resolutions and I have always just Hated planning, organizing, and strategizing. I mean, I’m an Improv guy, right? Live in the moment. Create… Now!

But, I have finally got it in my head: Planning is important. Knowing where you’re going and where you’re going to stop along the way is imperative. Otherwise  there’s just a lot of meandering and when there’s a great success, you won’t know how it happened nor how to make it happen again.

Yes. Be able to improvise. Awesome… AND being prepared makes things easier and probably better in both quality and quality of life (because the stress is less).

So, I’ve created a planning group and we put our year out on paper. Lots going on: workshops, keynotes, 1-day events, a big event at the end of the year, a new radio show, and back to blogging. Now to go make that happen!

Ze Frank returned to the internet last year and this was his opening salvo.
I find it insanely inspiring and correct. It hits on many of the little chatter bits that come up in our heads. And it’s still fun.

I watch it every time I start something new. And right now, I’m starting a LOT that’s new!

I better start making some videos, too!

Are people mean to you?
Do you think it’s on purpose?

Check out this article below. It reminds of this, possibly mis-paraphrased, quote:

Don’t worry what people are thinking about you. They’re Not.

If only we could all give up the “always looking good (or cool)” game, more would actually be accomplished in the world. Sadly, sometimes looking good keeps people from trying. It’s the root of Fear of Failure.

(This is excerpted from Scott Young’s “Critical 7 Rules To Understand People”)

Never blame malice for what can easily be explained by conceit.

People don’t care about you. This isn’t because people are mean or hurtful, but simply because they are mostly focused on themselves.

Consider this hypothetical pie-chart showing the variety of thoughts a typical person has:

In this example, 60% of thoughts are self-directed. My goals. My problems. My feelings. Another 30% are directed towards relationships, but how they affect me. What does Julie think of me? How will boss evaluate my performance in the next review? Do my friends like me or see me as irritating?

Only 10% in this model is time spent in empathy. Empathy is the rare event where one person actually feels the emotions, problems and perspective of another person. Instead of asking what Julie thinks of me, I ask what is Julie thinking.

Within that 10%, most people then divide attention between hundreds of other people they know. As a result, you would occupy a fraction of a percentage in most peoples minds, and only a couple percentage points in a deeply bonded relationship. Even if you are in another persons thoughts, it is how your relationship affects them, not you.

What does this mean?

Embarrassment doesn’t make a lot of sense. Since others are only focusing a small portion of there thoughts onto judging you, your self-judgement is overwhelmingly larger.

People who appear to be mean or hurtful don’t usually do it intentionally. There are exceptions to this, but generally the hurt you feel is a side-effect, not the principle cause.

Relationships are your job to maintain. Don’t wait to be invited to parties or for people to approach you.

When people attempt big changes in their life,  they often overlook the importance of their environment. By environment, I mean more than just the place you live. Your environment includes the people that are around you, too.

Friends and family tend to support your daily efforts and your ”reasonable” goals. But, often when you decide to really streatch out and start to make a dream happen for you, you’ll find some resistance.

Subtle (or not so subtle) suggestions and actions may start. Suddenly, the people that most love and support you are telling you things like, “That sounds great, but don’t quit your day job.” or “That sounds nice. But, it will have to wait until everything gets settled first.”  These peer pressures ask you to put off your dream or abandon them.

Why would those that love you ask you to forsake your dreams? It’s precisely because they do love you. The want you to be safe. Just like the little piece of your brain that is constantly trying to keep you safe and looking good, they don’t want you to be hurt.

I don’t recommend arguing with them. Arguing or stating rational facts won’t necessarily win the day. You’ll want to calm them. Make sure they know that you are not jumping off a cliff, nor are you abandoning them or your life. Once they know that you are prepared and that you have considered all of the angles, here is where you get to invite them into your game…

Create an inspiring vision of how it’s going to be when you succeed. Tell them how great it is going to be for you. Use vivid, colorful imagery and really create a world that they can see. Tell them how it will be for them in your future, too. Bring them into this future world of yours and make them feel at home.

Instead of dealing with subtle pressure to just stay the way you’ve been, you will now have cheering fans 0n the sidelines and hopefully much more direct assistance too.

Another benefit of this tactic is that by creating a vivid, inspiring future for them to see, you are constantly reinvigorated by it, too! If you can see what it is you’re working towards, it will help you more easily clear any obstacles that show up along the way.

So, go create something awesome for your life and bring your friends and family for the ride!

Are you prepared for the Inspiration Age?

So, I am a tech guy and I think pretty linearly. I look for elegant answers to complex problems. AND, I’m into relationships, too. (I’ve been with my wife for 22 years.)

I know that people have been searching for this answer for years. And this topic has been the basis for hundreds of jokes by stand-up comics.

But, I have a valid solution and I hope that everyone will take this to heart and create happiness and peace in their relationships. I offer you the “magic bullet” to making relationships work! It’s pretty simple. Ready?

(Before you look below, you MUST realize that I mean this advice for BOTH sexes. Not just for men, as it is usually cast.)

Look at this diagram: If the seat is down, close the lid over it. If the seat is up, Put Them Both Down. Everyone. Every Time. Yes. You will have to open the toilet every time you need to go.


Results:

• No complaints about someone forgetting to put the seat down.
• Nobody is going to pee on the seat.
  Well, someone might, but they’re so drunk that you should be happy they’re not peeing in your fridge. (Which I have a true story about, but will not share more now.)
• Equality! Everyone will have to open the lid to go.

Just another problem I can help with!