Toby Martini

At the bottom of all Improv training lies this astoundingly great skill, “Be Comfortable being Uncomfortable.”

Whenever I am running workshops, that’s the main thing that I want people to walk away with. I don’t usually tell them that. We just play games, jump around, and think in creative ways they never thought of before. All good. But, what am I really doing?

I’m getting them uncomfortable and teaching them how to still navigate and think creatively from that space.

Stop for a minute and think about how would your life be if you could, at the worst possible moments, when you’re afraid, or lost, or just plain befuddled… what if you could still come up with solutions and great ideas??

That’s the big prize in learning Improv. Becoming Comfortable being Uncomfortable.

I think that’s one of the prizes in military training, skydiving, and any other sort of high-intensity, often high-danger, training opportunities. Why is Improv better? Less chance of literally dying. Sure, some people are afraid of “dying onstage” and of public speaking, but that’s nothing compared to being at a high altitude with a very real chance of going Splat!

Once again, I must point out the urban myth that people are more afraid of public speaking than death. It’s a mis-reading of what was published in The Book Of Lists (1977) that listed “Public speaking” as the “#1 most-reported fear” and death came in as the sixth.

The question was “What things are you afraid of?” It was not “Which of these things do you fear the most?” See the difference?

It proves that public speaking is a common fear, not the most intense fear. It’s a small but very important difference. Sure it may be scary, but if someone with a gun said “Get up there and speak or I’ll kill you,” you might sputter and stammer, but you’d speak!

Here’s how it works in my training: I’ll teach a game, usually some weird combination of physicality and language skills that will really befuddle some of the folks. And as soon as they get it; as soon as they become comfortable with it, I add a twist to make it harder again. Once they get it, it gets ramped up again. The goal is Not to get good at this game. The goal is to get good at continually creating, even when you’re brain is scrambled. FUN!

And I say “some folks” because some games are easier for some people than others. The next thing to do is a pick a different type of game to make sure the “comfortable with that game” people get a bit thrown this time.

Luckily, there are hundreds of Improv games and nobody can rock all of them. Even experienced improvisers have trouble with some parts. And that’s where they should be working. Again, NOT to get good at every aspect of the game, but in order to get into the mindset of not exactly knowing how it’s going to go… and still going boldly!

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For those of  you that are not taking an Improv class, I suggest that you find ways to make yourself uncomfortable. Get up in front of people and talk, meet people you don’t know, wear some crazy pants. Whatever makes you shudder a bit and smile like, “I would Never do that, “ is what you might want to try.

Do it with commitment. Don’t give up too quickly. Push it farther than you think you can and see how fun and creative you become in those moments.

Consider all of the places this skill will benefit your life. Whether you’re a blogger, a speaker, a stand-up comedian or a cop, this is something that can save your butt! Some call it “Grace Under Pressure” or maybe “Keeping a Coool Head,” I call it “Being Comfortable being Uncomfortable.”

Whatever you call it, it’s a lifesaver.

Now, go get into an Improv class!

Much love!

Perfect. grrrr 

Looking good and being smart, clever or witty. Those are just some of the things that drive me and probably you. There are others, less noble and perhaps more interesting, but these are the ones that I want to talk about today. 

These gremlins still keep popping up and stopping me from creating things. I don’t know about you, but my internal editor hates to let me get even one whole sentence down without looking over it a second or third time. Sometimes it’s what keeps me from making an important call. 

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Perfect is a pain in the ass!
It’s the little voice in my head that says, “Really? After all this time, you still don’t know where to put a comma?” And then, I’m stopped. I’m a failure. I can’t finish a story if I can’t finish a sentence, right?. 

How in the world do we keep going with this constant niggling going on? 

Hemmingway’s little voice probably cursed him for bad punctuation. And, let’s not get started on e.e. cummings! 

I’ve read that Jim Carey has a full-time therapist that goes around with him because he fears what he’s doing won’t work. (Of course, you can’t believe Anything you read on the internets.) 

But, these people worked through their struggles, they learned what needs to be learned, they stifle the voice, and they have become very successful. 

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The thing is, nothing is easy when you start. If it was easy, everyone would do it. BUT, the more you write, the better you get. The more you ski, paint, manage people, or dabble in Photoshop, the better you get at all of them AND there are resources for any problem you may have. 

Just about everything can be found in books that are already out there, websites, and people. Go find someone that has done it before you. They can offer tips, inspiration or more. 

You know that Perfect is going to whisper in your ear, pointing out all sorts of mistakes, slip-ups and such. Trust me. It’s OK. All is right with the world. 

What have I learned from Improv??

Two great lessons that help me get through everything. And they’re simple! Not always easy, but simple. 

1.  Even if you don’t know how it’s going to work out, GO! Make it up as you go. Have the confidence that you can make it work. 

2. Commit to it! No pussy-footing around. Do it as if Everything depends on it getting done. 

It might be tough at first. Remember, everything is. But, it’s like a muscle; the more you use it the stronger it will get. 

Learn to Go Anyway and Commit and everything will get done! Your life will astound you. 

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One more thing you need to know: It does not help you to fight the voice, to yell at it. 

For example, when I’m writing and the voice pops up, I just say, “Thanks for watching out for me. I appreciate that you want me to look good and be safe. But this isn’t going to be seen by anyone and it will be excellent before I put it out there. And I’ll need your help during revision. Talk to you later.”  

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Perfect is a dream and will keep you from stretching.
Striving for excellence will yield superior results! 

You might check out my speaker friend Topher Morrison’s book “Settle for Excellence” for more on that.
You can find him and it here: http://tophermorrison.com/ (Not an affiliate link or anything. I just like the guy!) 

Bobby McFerrin. I just love this guy. 

It’s one of those things where I won’t think of him for like a year and then somebody mentions the name, or I hear a snippet of a song, or I see a video like the one below… and then I remember how really amazing he is. 

He’s living his dream, teaching people music around the world AND creating his own type of music, too. He doesn’t just sing acapella. He creates soundscapes.

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I ran across this great quote by Bobby and while he is talking about music, it is equally true for Improv (and Life!) 

When asked if he feared making mistakes in his performances, Bobby said, 

If you’re quick, you use [mistakes]. You incorporate them – you turn the mistake into something else… you let the mistake guide you to a whole other place. And sometimes mistakes are the best thing that can happen, because they might lift you out of your lethargy, out of your complacency, and open your mind up to a whole other area that you wouldn’t have gone to intentionally. 

This is such a great way to say this! 

I am always putting this in to conversation with my workshop participants and coaching clients. Make Mistakes. Make lots of them! The edge of chaos is where all of the great ideas hide out.  It’s where creation happens. 

Sure it can be scary and that monster, The Fear of Looking Bad, always lurks there, too. But, get over it! Take risks. Fail forward. The joy and delight of creation far outweighs fear of simple embarassment! 

The part about going to areas you wouldn’t have gone to intentionally is a big one (especially for writers of any sort). Doing Improv, you will say things that you would simply NEVER have thought to put together.

You learn how to unbridle your unconscious thoughts and give them a free pass to your mouth. None of that limiting Rational Brain here today!

Trust me, that’s useful!

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 Now check out this cool video of Bobby demonstrating spontaneous music.

World Science Festival 2009: Bobby McFerrin Demonstrates the Power of the Pentatonic Scale from World Science Festival on Vimeo. 

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This video is cool because he easily demonstrates they we could all just do that, too. I love it when someone not only demonstrates excellence, but can so easily evoke it in others. People that might not have thought of themselves as gifted musically can play along with him here. And hopefully someone in that audience is inspired to go out and make some music of their own! 

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There really isn’t anything more to say, is there?

There is no point to worrying about anything!

You worry because you think that worrying is doing something about it and hence by worrying you believe that you will help prevent disaster. You worry because you believe it works for you.

And when the events you were worried about finally come about, you feel justified that you were correct in worrying about them because, look, here they are now!

Worry is useless, because at best it can only disrupt the desired positive outcome, and at worst bring about a negative outcome. There is not a single instance where worry can work positively. So why bother to do it any more?

– David Cameron Gikandi

In Improv you can’t take the time to worry about how it’s going to work. You just Do IT. We walk out on stage and say the first thing that comes up.

Don’t stop to think. You might not get started again.

And it works, because we’re all trained to “Yes, and…” every idea. Can you train your team, your business, your family to play the “Yes, and…” game, to Agree and Add To every idea??

I guarantee you’ll be more succesful, more fulfilled, and definitely have more fun!

Is there anyone that you had some sort of a minor flare-up with… and now haven’t talked to them in a long time?

Couldn’t your relationship be worth more than being right?

(There’s nothing wrong, just trying to bring more love and connectedness to the world.)

“I just want to get back into business.”
Wally Martini – 11/18/2010

My father’s last words fit him to a T. When I tell anyone that knew him those last words, they say, “Yep. That’s him!”

You see, my father was only an employee for a short time in his life. Outside of that, he created a number of businesses. Most of them did quite well, especially considering he almost always started them off with little or no resources.

He was born with the “gift of gab” as they say. A natural born salesman that always had a story and a smile. He mostly worked in sales, selling everything from time share to used cars, to store fixtures, and dozens of other things in between.

He was “Jolly Wally, the Round man with the Square Deal.”

But, something in his background, some events that happened to him, some story that he told himself about the world… led him to be self-destructive when things got going well.

And that’s why he had to keep starting businesses instead of taking one to fantastic heights.

So, why am I telling you this? It’s because of something that just dawned on me. I was talking with Ruth Rymal the other day and I was talking about how I’ve coached so many people out of the corporate slave pens and into their own business. But for some reason, until only recently, I have kept suckling at the corporate teat!

I now know that my Dad never wanted me to have a hard life like he had. He never wanted me to have to struggle with not being able to feed the kid (and in my case, three kids!) he wanted me to have a comfortable job where I would know that I had a steady paycheck.

I truly thank him for caring and I know he only wanted the best for me.

I’m sure that a stable job with benefits is fine for some folks, but it is NOT a path to success.

Millionaires don’t work for people, do they? They own their own businesses. And the best of them created their own business from nothing..

So, like my Dad, I just want to get into business. And hopefully, I’ve worked through enough of my mental junk that I won’t be so self-destructive and I’ll take this thing to the top. You know, my name in lights 15 feet tall and all.

The error in his thinking was that being in business for yourself is hard and comes with a lot of severe ups and downs, and they end badly. Sure it has ups and downs, but we can prepare for that and they don’t have to end badly if we can manage our own demons.

I say that running your own business is the path out of mediocrity and baseline living.

What’s your dream? What could you create? What’s stoppping you??

Let’s talk about meeting people. Often called different things like Marketing, Face-time, Networking, and Visibility, I hope to give you a unique spin on it.

A lot of people have various fears and assumptions about what networking is and is not.

A stuffy room full of old business weasels in suits, smoking cigars and talking about how they’ll get the last dollar from the dying hands of the sheeplike masses. – Actual quote from TM

Here’s the thing. (It’s a bit of a secret, but I’ll let You in on it.) The people at networking meetings are… people like you and me. They’re just folks that are hoping to bring their product or service out to as many people as possible. It’s my experience that they’re all pretty good people, too! Not money-grubbing bastards, corporate weasels, or slimy glad-handing sale jerks.

In fact, those people all have jobs in big corporations. Networking meetings are more usually filled with entrepreneurs and startup businessfolks that are really doing it for a good reason.

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So, where do you network?

Find some groups in your town. I recommend Free Networking International. Just go and see what it’s like. The daytime events are usually more structured. You go, get an opportunity to say what you do and who you’re looking for, and you get to talk to a couple of people, and learn about a dozen or two more.

There are also mixers and socials that are more freeform meet and greets. You just go, and mingle, and talk with whomever you run into.

Which works best for you is based on your personality. Check out a couple!

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So, how do you network?

This is the important part. Please read this part carefully.

Too many people go to networking events to try to sell their stuff and worse… to get people to become their salesmen and referral source!

Don’t do that! People that do that are doomed to fail at networking and get burned out quickly.

Want to be a success at networking? Go meet a lot of people, find out what sort of prospect is good for them, and learn about their business. Take notes, probably right on their business card, and then save it in a binder or whatever system you can use that you can rummage through quickly.

Just go and meet people. Get them into your physical network. Don’t just grab a card and throw yours. Get to know them! Every Real Estate agent is different. You can refer different ones to different people.

Offer value first. Get them a lead, a prospect, or a vendor that they can use. They will remember you! And, they will feel great about referring you to someone.

Don’t go to sell. Go to connect.

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As a bonus tip: The above goes for Twitter , FaceBook, and everything else online, too! Meet people, make connections, introduce people, and offer value first!

People will get to know you as a giver and a useful person. Your name gets known by people that could use your products or services, by vendors that might be able help you, and by “big name” people in your industry that might be willing to do some sort of joint venture.

People buy from and refer people to those that they know and respect.

Go become the person that Everyone knows and respects (and grow your business)!!

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There are three things that you could start using Right Now in order to create a really great business and a fantastic life.

1. Become Staggeringly Positive.

2. Play Everything as a game.

3. Inspire everyone you speak with.

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1. Going into anything, a meeting, an interview, a party, Anything. Envision that it is going to be great.  People are going to like you. Someone there is looking for exactly what you have to offer. The Right person is going to be there.

AND, WHY NOT?
If you don’t, then you probably go in thinking things will be horrible; there won’t be anyone interesting to talk to; you might do something dumb and look bad.

That will keep you from meeting the right people and will likely create the very things you worried about!

If you go in thinking, “Nobody will really want to talk to me,” then NOBODY will want to talk to you!

Who do you want to do business with?
Assuming similar products, you’ll work with the person that is enthusiastic about their product and gets you excited about it too.

Someone in sales ho-hum about the product won’t be in sales for long! 

Just the other day, I was talking to a businessman that was about to launch a new business idea. He’s got a million dollar business and he’s going to give away free books, 50,000 actual paperbacks.

I don’t know the business model or how it’s going to work, but he said, “I’ll either win or I’ll learn.” That is a guy living a great life!

Don’t live in What May go Wrong. Live in What Will go Right!

2. Treat everything like a game: The game of parenting, the game of work, the game of starting a new business. Everything is a game to play.

Did you read or see Tom Sawyer? He got those kids to work on the fence because he made it seem like a game to them. They paid him to do the “work”!

So, for those kids that paid to do it, was it tedious or hard?
No. It was a game to play. It was just the way that it got framed as a game that made it fun for them.

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There are lots of games where people throw a ball around from here to there. They use a stick to hit a ball into a tiny hole. They take a big ball and throw it into a small, high hole. And we pay to watch them play football, golf, basketball…

But are any of those things inherently fun?  Sweating, puffing and straining things!

But we said that’s a game and it’s fun and… Doing a spreadsheet is not fun. We’ve heard that enough times that now, working on a spreadsheet IS not fun.

The things we call games and fun are just as made up as the work we do. So you may as well choose to look at it in a way that is more empowering and more fun for you!

You know, everything really could be fun.

A spreadsheet? How could that be fun? Make a game of it. Compete with someone to get them done first. Or with yourself. More today than yesterday or whatever.

Connect with the fact that for some people… it really IS fun. They dig it! The only reason you don’t is that you’ve told yourself it’s hard, boring, or whatever and that you shouldn’t Have to do it. Instant tedium!

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3. Inspire everyone you speak with.

In any conversation you get into: with the clerk at the store, the maintenance man, and the principal at your child’s school, get them to see a winning future.

You may be called in for a parent teacher conference. You Could have it like this guy is mean or out to get your kid.

What do They really want? They probably really want the best for your child. Their goal is to produce great, smart, creative kids that will change the world.

Listen for that. Mirror it back. Acknowledge the work that he’s done. It’s really great of you to look after my kid. I get that your job is to create great children. Thank You.

The word inspiration is derived from the Latin root spirare meaning “spirit,” to breathe, to give life.

When you listen to someone’s story and mirror it back to them even more golden than they see it now, it  Creates life over there, for them. And for you!

When you are inspiring people to live in their dreams and to go for what they want, your life is better too.

You get to live a life of inspiration, creativity and joy. You’ll always be surrounded by people that are up to great things.

Now, take a moment.

• Think of something that you really want in your future. Really picture it.
• What game could you build around that? A way of scoring, measuring progress, rewards.
• Now, envision it having all worked out the best way possible.  Complete.   $$.  Romance
• What’s available to you, now? How do you feel?
• And now, know in your heart of hearts that it Really is possible.

 

And then anything you have to do to make it happen will just fall away. It doesn’t take willpower to live your dreams.

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I’d love to talk with any of you that want to share your future with me!

Please leave a comment and tell me what are your best tools for creating, joy, excitement, and sheer happiness in your life!

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In the previous post, I asked you to create and describe how your life would be if you had no limits. I hope you played along. And if you didn’t, please go back and actually do that now. (This is your life we’re changing here. It won’t change until you take action!)

Now here’s the thing:
You have no limits except those that you put on yourself.

If you say you can’t go to a place, that’s because you say so.

If you can’t have the things you want, it’s because you say so.

If you can’t become something, it’s because You Say So.

It’s not your circumstances. It’s how you choose to react to them.

I sometimes ask the question, “How would your life be if you had all the time, power, and resources to do anything you want?”

The answer is, “You would have the life you have now.”

How do I know that? Because you created it the way it is… even with all the power in the world to make other choices.

Some people are born poor, handicapped, and surrounded by evil. And while most around them flounder and die, they grow, move away, become rich and amazing.

It’s not what happens to you, but how you react to it that matters. Epictetus

Your life is the sum of your choices. And you have all the power in the world to change it from now on!

Go. Create. Have fun!